I Thought I Was a Good Listener—Here’s What I Learned

How Listening With Intention Enhances Conversations and Builds Relationships: 4 Ways to Become a Better Listener.

As we step into 2026 and set new resolutions, goals, and plans, it’s worth pausing to think about the areas of life we’re working on—health, finances, personal growth—but what about relationships? They’re often overlooked because we can’t control how other people respond, whether it’s a mother-in-law who feels critical, a teenager who won’t open up, or a coworker who’s hard to understand but impossible to avoid. When it feels discouraging or hopeless to get someone else “on board,” we can look at it another way—we often have more power and influence to shift a relationship than we realize, and real change can begin by focusing on what we choose to do, regardless of the other person’s response.

For 2026, one thing I’ve chosen to focus on is listening. It sounds simple, but most of us aren’t actually very good at it—we’re often just waiting our turn to talk, mentally checking off tasks, thinking ahead to what we’ll say next, or distracted by our own thoughts and emotions. These habits are natural (and I fall into them too), but true listening is actually a skill—one that takes intention and practice to develop, and one that has the power to genuinely strengthen relationships.

I’ve had a couple of recent experiences that made it painfully clear how much I need to become a better listener. One happened at home when our daughter got hurt on the trampoline. When the girls explained what happened, I quickly formed my own interpretation of their game—labeling it as reckless—rather than fully listening to the details or their reasoning. Later, when my husband asked what happened, I unknowingly shared my interpretation instead of their actual words. When he spoke with the girls himself, the stories didn’t match—and that disconnect was my wake-up call. It wasn’t a memory issue; it was a listening issue. I had stopped listening the moment my mind filled in the blanks.

That moment made me wonder—if I do this at home over something small, where else am I doing it?

The second experience was at work. A coworker kept coming to me to talk through a challenging project, and I responded by offering solution after solution—without really listening. What she actually needed wasn’t advice at all, but a sounding board. She understood the project far better than I did; she simply needed space to talk it through. Had I paused and truly listened, I could have supported her far more effectively—and saved us both some frustration.

These experiences made me realize just how important listening is—and that it’s a skill I still need to develop. That surprised me, because as a natural introvert I’ve always seen myself as a good listener. What I’ve learned, though, is that my own inner story and assumptions about what someone needs can get in the way of truly hearing them. People are often telling us exactly what they need—we just aren’t listening with intention.

So through the parenting and leadership strategies of ColorWorks, I’ve decided to intentionally work on listening—and I wanted to share that journey with you.

4 Ways to Become a Better Listener

1. STOP — Put your story on hold.Or as my husband would say, “Do less.” Pause the urge to interrupt, correct, relate, lecture, or plan your response. Stop interpreting and start listening. Fully hear what the other person is saying first—then respond.

2. IDENTIFY INTENTION — Why am I in this conversation?Naming your purpose helps you slow down and stay present. Whether it’s being supportive, helpful, or strengthening a relationship, remembering your intention keeps you from rushing, judging, or checking out—and often reveals how you can help in ways you didn’t expect.

3. ASK GOOD QUESTIONS — Go deeper, not wider.Thoughtful questions uncover motives, assumptions, emotions, and context. They build connections and often help the other person find clarity or solutions on their own—without you needing to fix anything.

4. ACTIVE OR REFLECTIVE LISTENING — Share back what you heard.Not word-for-word, but in a way that shows understanding and validates feelings. Reflective listening confirms you’re on the same page and prevents miscommunication by making sure you truly understand what the other person is saying.

I know these tools work because I’ve already seen real change in a short amount of time—at home, at work, and in my relationships. When I slow down, listen with intention, and apply these skills, conversations shift. One way these four listening skills become even more powerful is by colorizing them—adapting how we listen based on personality. When we do that, we gain deeper insight into someone’s perspective, stressors, motivations, and lived experience.

If you’d like to learn more about Listening Based on Personality, watch our in-depth video on YouTube. Click Here to Watch the Video

 We also created a free handout with “4 Ways to Become a Better Listener” on one side and “How to Listen to Any Color” on the other—just click the link, share your email, and download. Click Here to Download the FREE Handout

If this topic resonated with you—or if there’s something else you’d love to learn more about—we’d love to hear from you. Leave a comment or reach out to us directly.

Wishing you growth, connection, and meaningful conversations as you step into your goals this new year. 

Happy New Year!

-Cait Kruse